Naperville Workforce Solutions
Your Future Workforce
We invite you to draw your own conclusions.
Nancy Creaturo
Yes. Nancy is a great choice. Truly. We just can't say enough good things about her. Confidentially, she's your best bet but federal law, the Department of Villain Affairs, and, well, a sense of fair play, require that we present the other candidates. So feel free to scroll on. Just be aware that it's all downhill from here.
Skills: Phones, Typing, Filing. Dictation, Electrical Engineering, Civil Engineering, Neurosurgery, Typesetting, Nuclear Physics, Astrophysics, Geophysics, and Hieroglyphic Translation. Oh, and Dictation. And parenting! She's got great kids that one. There's more but we have to stop somewhere.
Years of Experience: Many
Skills: Critical appraisals. Masonry creation.
Years of Experience: 20
Stephanie Calixto
Need a blistering review of a competitor or rival? Choose Stephanie. Do you have clientele that prefer to be initially disregarded when they visit your facility? Stephanie. looking for unvarnished, pointed and, frankly, harsh opinions of your wardrobe/ideas/lunch? Stephanie is your woman.
Wade Swain
Skills: Unclear
Years of Experience: Don't ask.
We can only suggest that you give Wade a chance. It's slightly possible that he might be a good, strike that, um appropritate- no that's not it either - breathing candidate for your short term staffing needs.
Skills: Piano hoisting, roof raising, cinder block hefting, pylon heaving,elephant elevating, house hauling.
Years of Experience: .5
Frank Zink
While Frank is technically a "newbie" in this configuration, he's got strong muscles and a good heart. All of which are certified used parts, by the way.
Wendy Peavey
Skills: Janitorial (particularly adept with a broom and can make dirt disappear.) Inventory management. Transmutation. Levitation.
Years of Experience: Varies.
She never fails to suprise us and could potentially take care of that pesky plantar wart on your big toe. What's not to love?
Skills: security (3rd shift), filing (3rd shift) Janitorial (3rd shift), pest management (3rd shift), flying (3rd shift.)
Years of Expereince: 268
Barney Kulkarni
While he may be a bit cantankerous, Barney's bark is worse than his bite. wait! whoops, whoa sorry. it's totally the other way around. don't let him bite you. Seriously.
Queen Elizabeth
Skills: Complaining. Shirking work. Passing the buck. Rageful, unpredictable behavior. Comprehensively petty. (*We know these aren't positive skills but they're the ones she's demonstrated to have most completely mastered.)
Years of Experience: 60-70 give or take.
Officious and haughty. Straight up.
Skills: Taking command of a room, literally. Marching. Spit and Polish(ing). Great at French.
Years of Expereience: Your guess is as good as ours
Napoleon Bonaparte
Napoleon will stop at nothing to complete a task that you set out for him. You've got to watch out for that.